Smoking for Weight Loss?

Posted on by Arielle

Whenever I’m high, I’m actually proud of myself if I get myself to choose smoking a cigarette over eating. They’re both more fun to do when you get high. I don’t even like cigarettes at all,when I’m sober, but drunk or high or whatever, they’re often great. Then again sometimes drunk, or high or whatever they still suck, it’s kinda weird. Anyway, so I realize why cigarettes help some people lose weight. When you stand up, you think, “Hmm I could smoke a cigarette, or I could eat something. If I eat something, I’m not gonna want the cigarette (“Cause you can’t just go from eating something that tastes good to smoking something that tastes bad.”), but I could have the cigarette and then eat, or maybe it’ll lower my appetite, and maybe I won’t even eat anything tonight.” (“You totally will. You always do.”)

But nevertheless, the cigarette smoking time is a very nice time when I actually go by myself, outside in the back, and sit with myself and my own thoughts – I never bring my phone or iPod – for about five minutes. I usually get this five minutes once or twice a month. I try to meditate, but that $75 meditation mat has been sitting on the floor of my room for about three weeks now and I haven’t even sat on it one single time. Not even just to test it out. I did write meditation into my weekly schedule – Thursday nights – the other day. So, we’ll see how that goes. Damnit, I’m off to have my cigarette.

Ah, that moment when you start having all these great ideas out there that you just have to come in and write down, but then there’s still some cigarette left that you just talked about enjoying so much, but then again, it’s your passion, this writing down of all the little ideas in your head that you think are so brilliant, so you stub out the other 2/5ths of the cigarette and you come back inside and then type this and then you hurry off to your idea poster on your wall.

I was just having one of those moments that felt momentous. I “made the decision” (whatever that even means) to not eat anything tonight. If I successfully do this, I will really be changing my current pattern and maybe getting myself toward a healthier relationship with food and reasons for eating. I felt like this was like a first moment in the breaking of an OCD pattern or those times when I actually resisted masturbating (when I was a kid and it was a sin, that is) when I really really wanted to. (“Only eat when you’re hungry, Arielle, it’s so simple. Everybody else does it.”) That’s not even really true. (“Okay, but we’re not gonna be like those people. You’re getting a little pudgy there, boss.”). Okay fine, which is why I’m not going to eat anything more tonight. (“Yeah. You had a lunch-sized breakfast and a mega-sized dinner with a dessert that would’ve made two or even three people feel sick, so you’re probably fine. Though, let’s see, you did burn off 600 calories, supposedly, on the elliptical today, and according to our current little system, which is most certainly not Weight Watchers but rather a system I created for myself, thank you very much, that does technically mean you have two points left you could use today. But only use them if you’re actually hungry.”) I agree, I agree, but I think I actually kind of am hungry right now. I’m just gonna go look around in the fridge and see what does or doesn’t strike my interest. Maybe nothing will, who knows!

I ended up probably eating slightly over 2 pts, but then again it’s a rounding system, and I’m winding it down to two. So I’ve basically succeeded. As long as I don’t eat anything else tonight, and I don’t even really want to leave my room again tonight. Though I guess I need to take my contacts out and brush my teeth, but other than that, no.

So early in the evening I told one of my roommates that the chocolates I put out on the table he should feel free to eat ’cause the more he eats the less I will. He asked said something about the possibility that flies or whatever had gotten bites out of the chocolates already. I was like, “Oh, dude, that doesn’t matter. I just blow on the top of food that’s been out that you can’t wash. It’s fine.”

Within the hour, I had eaten them all.

Uh, yeah, about that

Posted on by Arielle

Never mind.  I’m really trying to get away from plans and rules in general, renewing my spirit of getting in touch with my body and its real appetites.  I think I can only handle small rules as a time.  I’m doing the latter half of February without meat, though I’ve cheated a few times that could hardly be helped.  So I’ve changed it to not buying any meat (at the store or restaurants) for the rest of February, or actually until I try all the vegetarian stuff at work, at Canto, and try at least 1 vegetarian restaurant.

I’ve also decided to give up all nut butters (including sunflower seed butter, Trader Joe’s cocoa almond butter, Nutella, and Trader Joe’s amazing cookie butter) for Lent.  I’m not Catholic of course, I just think it’s a good time to try to give something up because there’s the support of a bunch of people giving something up around you.  Plus, nut butters are an unnatural abomination, a distinct sin.  Consequently I love them very much, but the calories add up too damn quickly, way faster than your body can give you feedback about its fullness.  Your brain and mouth are wired to want to shove it in, and your body won’t know how to tell you to stop for at least twenty minutes, in which time you could pound down 1000 calories or more without even feeling that bad.  Giving them up will also mean that for Easter I can buy myself a special treat that I will appreciate all the more.

I’ve gotten back into nightlife, having a social life and whatnot, which means I’ve had to relearn how to do that right.  From now on, I will not drink heavily more than one night in a row (any second day drinking can’t exceed two drinks).  It inevitably leads to not only way too many calories but also horrible indigestion.

I’m trying to be less compulsive at work with the eating, so I will no longer go into the break room before my shift, where I inevitably eat whatever’s around like a wild animal.  I’m also going to take my lunch breaks across the street with a protein bar.  Don’t worry, I’m not trying to go anorexic.  I’ll still undoubtedly eat a bunch of whatever we’re sampling, and I’ll still go into the break room for coffee and water enough to graze on whatever’s back there.  What I won’t be doing is organizing my life around making sure I get to eat everything around, won’t be spending a bunch of my mental time and energy deciding what to buy to maximize the potential of whatever free food is around.  No no no, just a protein bar and some actual time to read on my lunch break.

My workouts now look like this:

Monday: Long run (just got up to 11 miles (yes, in a row, bitches!), next week 12, etc.)

Tuesday: Yoga or tennis on a good day, when it’s warmer basketball will be an option, really any sport will do

Wednesday: Short, faster run (currently 4 miles)

Thursday: Light morning yoga before work (this is my earlier work day when I don’t have as much time for working out)

Friday: Slightly less short, fast run (currently 6 miles)

Saturday: Either the Turbo Kick Boxing Class, Yogalates, or Zumba Class at my gym

Sunday: Either the 10:30 Yoga Class or strength training of some sport

January, Back from Vacation

Posted on by Arielle

I’ve decided to make January no dairy, fried foods or beer month.  I’ve also decided to start with a half marathon (May 27th) instead of pushing myself too hard for the full marathon in April (not to mention having to figure out how to raise the money to run it).

I also looked up the Lean Gains dietary system that a co-worker mentioned to me.  Basically it just means I’ll only eat between 1 PM and 11 PM every day.  Apparently all the stuff I’ve read about needing to eat first thing in the morning in order to kick start my metabolism was bull shit.  According the the Lean Gains guy,

“Breakfast skippers have dysregulated eating habits and show a higher disregard for health. People who skip breakfast are also more likely to be dieting, thus by default they are also likely to be heavier than non-dieters. Keep in mind that most people who resort to breakfast skipping are not the type that sit around and read about nutrition. They are like most people dieting in a haphazard manner. The type to go on a 800 calorie-crash diet and then rebound, gaining all the weight (and then some) back…

First of all, we have the large scale epidemiological studies showing an association with breakfast skipping and higher body weights in the population. One researcher from that study, commenting on the association with breakfast skipping or food choices for breakfast, said:

“These groups appear to represent people ‘on the run,’ eating only candy or soda, or grabbing a glass of milk or a piece of cheese. Their higher BMI would appear to support the notion that ‘dysregulated’ eating patterns are associated with obesity, instead of or in addition to total energy intake per se.”

This whole FAQ section on dieting myths has me convinced.

I’ll go into more detail about what I’m eating in my next post.  I’ll probably also start weighing myself once per week as it’s time to start dropping weight and feeling a sense of accomplished.  Despite the name of this blog, I won’t be weighing myself first thing in the morning, naked, after peeing, because my scale is broken.  Instead, I’ll go ahead and weigh myself in my workout clothes and tennis shoes after my strength training or running sessions.