Eat a big bowl of Captain Brunch really fast for breakfast each morning. Contrary to modern dieting wisdom, the sugar cereal-scarfing plan should end up helping you reduce overall calorie consumption, as it’ll tear the shit up out of your mouth so that eating anything more for the rest of the day will be too painful.
Tag Archives: Asshole Diet
Asshole Dieting Tip #2
Get your lip or, better yet, your tongue pierced! The tongue piercing will really slow your eating down for a bit, but even with the lip piercing you have to wash it meticulously each time you eat anything, and that will definitely make you think twice before shoveling in more food.
Asshole Diet Plan #1
Have your wisdom teeth removed. Then you won’t be able to eat solid foods for a few days. Just don’t go overboard with the pudding!
